SPENDING OUT OF CONTROL

Three years ago, my father passed away from stage 4 cancer. As, I watched him go from fighting for his life to practically becoming a vegetable. This happening gave me into a new outlook on life. When he left us on October 23, 2016, I decided that life waits for no one and I was going to live to my fullest. My mindset was to do whatever I wanted and purchase all the things that desired me. I went on lavish vacations, purchased a car (that for my normal budget was out of my league), went to any and every event, invested a little but mostly used the investments to purchase any and everything I loved. I did not stop there, I wanted to build up my blog, filming and healing passions so I purchased and attended any and every course, training, retreats, got mentoring and coaching. Whatever seemed to take me to where I wanted to be I got it.  I bought so many courses and online training I am now trying to figure out what all I got over a three year period.

Living the lavish life sounded wonderful but reality hit me the start of 2019 when I could not seem to get a boost of motivation. I started feeling really depressed. My home was in shambles because I practically lived out of a suitcase and just used my house as a place to lay my head. As depression started to overtake me, I realized after getting half way through the year what was causing me to feel this way. It was that new mindset I created in 2016. Now I am here 3 years later figuring out how I am going to get out of the enormous debt created. I have never in my life even in college been in this much debt. I was just spending, spending and spending non-stop, not ever thinking it was getting out of control.

Over this summer I have been working to get my home de-cluttered and back looking like someone lives there. I have been going through my emails and computer files to find out what all I have purchased learning wise. I have worked with creditors on ways to start decreasing the debt created over 3 years. I am re-introducing myself to budgeting. I have cut tremendously down on travel, no longer living out of a suitcase. I am making my trips more productive and meaningful. Despite the fact I am getting things in order I do still miss my Pops but he raised me to be more responsible than I have been over these past 3 years. My spending was out of grieving and fulfilling a void of my Pops leaving us so quickly from cancer. Things and money can never replace the love of a father and his daughters but I am glad to have gotten a wake-up call because honestly I was heading down the road to bankruptcy.

Many feel I have it all together but today I am here to tell you I do not. I as well go through the motions of life. But when you get the wake up call it’s up to you what you do about it. Me, I chose to be stronger than I have been. It was nice living the lavish life but I rather live it when I truly have it to live. No, we cannot take money nor things with us when we transition from this lifetime but we can be wise about how we use it. I know I am not on social networking as much but know I am working to give and provide a better me. I have a few things in the works and once I am done balancing things out you will hear and see much more of me.